Checking Out The Check Out Girl

checkout girl

There are still some things that I believe are done far too early in the morning for human beings to be doing. Weekly shopping in the early morning is one of them.

I almost always forget something. Half the shopping list or the list entirely or my wallet or whatever.

Its too easy to be overly critical of people as well as over-analytic of anyone.

The “brand new” grocery store located conveniently a few miles away with their 14 or so check out aisles, but only having 4 of them open. Two of them express lanes for 12 items or less.

Grocery store math is stupid. Especially before 10:00 AM.

And high above all of the check out people stood someone wearing the name tag of Kaitlyn.

She was directing traffic both of customers and check out people the same.

A rather tall girl with her 1960’s glow with her eyeglasses that reminded you of a young and sexy librarian-type Julie Newmar. With her mid-back length fish bone braid cascading over the fronts of her shoulders that changed sides periodically as she moved her head about, looking in all directions.

She pulled me into the nearest check out lane and then moved out of my way. The smile was brighter than the morning sun that was giving its presence of the day. Although both tooth AND gum were present.

But no matter… I saw it. I tried to avoid it. I attempted to ignore it. And failed miserably before I was using terms of endearment with her and other female counterparts within a fifteen foot hearing area.

Little Miss Julie Newmar was loving it as her smile kept growing with each little “sweetheart” and “honey” that came stumbling out of my mouth.

One girl came to pull the shopping cart closer to the counter. Another offered assistance to take the items out of the cart and on to the  counter. Little Miss Julie Newmar stood at the end with her smile, and now she was playing with her braid.


And I knew it. Now that I had her attention, what was I going to do with it. My own attention had to be given to the check out girl at the cash register and not necessarily the check out lane supervisor.

As more and more attention taken away from Little Miss Julie Newmar and was given to the girl checking me out…. I could sense a deflation about to occur.

I looked up and over again and I was painfully correct. She had hopped on over two aisles down and was giving assistance there. I was stuck with a gal who failed in comparison but was nice and kind nonetheless. Especially that early in the morning.

As I was given my receipt and change, she returned and I had not noticed. She stuck out her hand and kept it hanging in the air. Clearly a high five was desired by her. But I was going to go for the “high five plus.”

I moved away to make room for the next customer with my grocery cargo and reached up and took a hold of her hand and didn’t grasp it too tightly but enough to let her know that I was serious and meant business.

A couple of more “sweethearts” and “baby dolls” and then I heard those final last words of “Have a great day, sir.”


I felt like the deleted audio of Darth Vader yelling out “NO!!!!!!!!!!” from the inside.

She released her hand from my grasp and skipped away.

Hanging my head in defeat I aimed for the front door to sit there and wait for my transportation until I was interrupted by someone who was waiting on the opposite side of the store near the café.

I told my colleagues of what just happened and they reminded me that I never seem to be able to get the finish.

So I went back into my wallet and grabbed as much loose change at random as I could pull up.

Candy and snacks I went and bought. Little Miss Julie Newmar saw me in line again and asked “Back again?” to which I said “For you? Yes!”

After a good twenty seconds of her getting picked on by co-workers, she asked me to walk with her. And when it gets to this point I NEVER find it to be pleasant or good in the end.


Going into the back of the store in the area of office cubicles, she threw her 1960’s style of eyeglasses on the table and then looked at me with fire and seduction.

That was definitely a hint I took, and grabbed a hold of and refused to let go.

A maddening session of making out burst into flames with moaning, breathing, and tongues. My hands exploring her body and deeper exploration around the warmer areas of her body’s canvas which took longer in duration.

Forgetting to lock the door the two of us were interrupted no less than two times but only for mere fractions of seconds as the person intruding realized their error and backed out of the room with imploring apologies.

After the last interruption I looked into her soft blue eyes and with a commanding yet low and soft tone told her “Give me your all.”

She had to push away my intrusive hand as she began to undo her zipper I gazed over the top of her head that was now bent down and stared at a clock noting the time. Her heat very apparent on my palm. And then I began noticing the clock and that was the buzzer before the game winning shot was given.

I halted production of anything further saying that I did not want to my ride ….. unless she wanted to give me a ride home at the end of her shift.

She offered a series of making out sessions and possibly more in those offices as long as I stayed in there the entire time while she worked. The disgusting and closing factor was that she would not be off of work until 4:00 PM.

I said no. I asked for her contact information. She ignored me. I reached for her by the arm and asked again. She shook her head while she straightened herself up. It wasn’t going to happen. And then she said she would daydream of what could have been before she left me to survive on my own to get back out into the grocery store and back to the café where my neighbors were still waiting for transportation that was en route apparently.

I was successful in killing another fifteen minutes of private stranger paradise. And my streak of “not finishing” continues to this day.


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