Your New Boyfriend Is An Annoying Turd

Redhead Couple Smiling

So you probably don’t remember much of me any more, but I was there before your life apparently opened Pandora’s Box and hell broke loose.

I was there when things were a little tough and you were lonely.

I was there when life started to change and you felt it was getting out of hand.

I was there when you swore me to secrecy and threatened me with death when you decided that you were going to get a divorce, even though there were still children in the house that would also have to deal with the separation of both mother and father.

I was there when you publicly announced that you were seeking a divorce and your husband had left the house to sit in with your children.

I was there to tell you that I loved you even though things were difficult and that I always would.

But I was NOT there when you turned that lonely house into a 24 hour party machine that went on for weeks, even months as man after man came to keep you company day and night during your separation period from your husband.

I was NOT there to hit on you, to say that I want to do things to you that I have only done to you in my dreams. And would love to do to you in real life, but now the reality of those chances are shot to hell.

I was NOT there to provide immediate comfort and that was based on distance.

In fact, I totally kept those creepy factors out of the way and never saw them as options when communicating with you. I only took the opportunity to remind you that you were loved and it didn’t HAVE to mean that I wanted to wear you like a hat.

I sat and watched as you sank into a depression.

I sat and watched as you struggled from within on every level of your separation from your husband.

I sat and watched because I knew that there would be nothing in this world that I could say to you that was going to make any kind of impact and you were simply going to have to deal with this by yourself. Even if I was there to support you in the background.

I sat and watched and even dodged as random men kept hounding you, knowing that they were only coming on to you because they wanted your body.

Let’s face it. I among many other men and women think you are in the top 40 of the Cat’s Meow!! And #1 in your local area.

But again, there’s nothing for me because I cannot do anything about it because of the distances.

So now you are coming out of your shadow, attempting to break your shell. But the pain of divorce is still there. Its going to be. And always will be until the end of time. Seriously speaking though, its all going to be based on you and your former husband in how well this goes over for both the two of you and your children. And apparently, the two of you have been doing nothing but playing war crimes against one another, ultimately hurting your children they bear no physical or visible scars.

Moving on is a good thing. And by the looks of it, you have. You have now a new boyfriend. I don’t know where he came from, I do not know anything about him. But still congratulations might as well still be in order? COUPLE-ARGUMENT-FUNNY-large570

But it is something that I picked up on a long long time ago as the guy has been only inches from you (figuratively and probably literally) wherever you mark your spot and name.

Your social networking sites are just FULL of his presence and if he’s not first to say something….. what does he do? Throw a tantrum, insult the people above him. What kind of man is that?

He’s always there! I don’t know what kind of relationship you have with this man but he is ALWAYS ALWAYS  there. I get that you are happy and all of that and you are starting a new relationship, but where the hell is the oxygen that you breathe?

With him being there all of the time, he has been nothing but a giant annoying turd. And I can almost bet…. maybe even guarantee you….. that because of his omniscience, he’s pushing and scaring away other people from your life. And that may or may not end up to be a bad thing for you. Particularly if he’s scaring or pushing away the kinds of people that you actually NEED in your life right now.

What kind of person can dare call himself a man if he’s being a giant turd???

Wake up, child!!!!

He must be hung like the river horses of the Viking north, or his tongue capable of slithering like the desert cobra in July in the Sahara. Because I don’t think that many other women would put up with what you are putting up with.

I hope I’m wrong. I hope that you are not losing friends and colleagues based upon his actions. That would totally suck. But you’re looking to be driving in that exact direction.

Open your eyes before you fall off the cliff.


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